I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
