I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize