Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
