So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
