evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
