but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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