stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
