Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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