my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
