just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
