I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have demons in me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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