Even the bartender felt bad for me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
