I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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