roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
