it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
