i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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