Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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