I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
