Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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foreskin is a definite game changer
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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