she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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