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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
