So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
