This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
