There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
