no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
