I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
