yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
