we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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