I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
