my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
