dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
