It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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