My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
