I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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