so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
