My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
