Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
