dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
