my sisters under your porch take her home
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
