you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
