i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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