I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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