I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
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Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think my moral compass just broke
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