I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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