Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
