I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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