oh god the rape fog is back!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
