So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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