I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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