I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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