I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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