I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
