We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
