she woke up with a sticky ear
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
