Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
