you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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